Merry Christmas

My brother and sister-in-law really saved the day with Christmas this year. It would have been pretty lean without their package. My mom's package still hasn't arrived yet :-(. My son got "Krtek" toys and a dvd - we saw Krtek at the movie theater when my (other) sister in law came to visit so he was/is totally into it. Here's a link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VWxNlg7N7go 

As a matter of fact, today he has been bugging me to watch the dvd so I set a timer for my computer time so that he would do something else while he waits. The timer is a really good parenting tool - I'm really glad I discovered it! He understands that he needs to stop his activity when the timer goes off and it's much more neutral than being bugged by mom!

My previous post about destiny relates to the fact that I applied for some english teaching jobs- some in paris and one in nice. Overall, more opportunity in paris, but more competition. The pay is higher - by about 20 percent, but then the cost of living is a bit higher, though not sure how much. With contract work, I have the opportunity to earn 20-50 percent more than I would at a full time job, but of course, it's not "definite," which is the big advantage to full time.     

Of course, there are other advantages to full time work, such as restaurant tickets, 'mutuelle' (supplemental insurance), and paid days off, but i think that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. The ideal would be for one of us to work full time and the other to work part time, but I don't know what the future holds.

School

I think I just need to accept that there is absolutely nothing wrong with liking school and being most comfortable in a school environment - as a teacher or student. I think I pushed away from my desitiny because it seemed too easy or too self evident.

My father was a teacher, three of my grandparents were teachers. Who wants to follow in their footsteps in a profession that is underpaid and underappreciated?!

French lessons

My french is getting better. I was actually the teacher for my french class last week - basically i was a 'discussion leader', but still it was a nice boost to my confidence...and i wasnt nervous at all.

I've started a new french class this week (i need cheap classes and this fits the bill and is quite good!) and i really like it - it's more challenging than the one that I have been going to. Tommorrow i am going to start helping out a "homework help" session for neighborhood kids. I'll help them with their english homework, but i will be using my french too, so that will be good and I have really been wanted to do something "benevolent" - though i need to start working too. I put in my first job application yesterday, which was a big milestone!

Expat Psychology

I've been seeing a counsellor over here and you can imagine that it's a bit of a challenge to talk to a psychologist in another language - but i think it taps into the emotions just as deep - maybe deeper. She asked me to recall a moment when i was truly happy and I just started crying because my response in my head was so complicated - so many qualifications, such as, "i was happy at this point, BUT..." "Looking back, it was a happy time, but at the moment i didn't appreciate it"...I'm aways striving for something else and I keep forgetting things.

I've been journalling again - on paper. Maybe i'm just a pen and ink kinda gal. Who knows, maybe I'll reinvent my web presence sometime soon because I am feeling better.

treading water

my husband was in the hospital for over a week and times have been difficult here. Perhaps La Framericaine was right to suggest an anonymous blog to get my feelings out - not that too many people are following me. 

French Classes / Carte de Séjour Update

I think that if you come here with limited french skills, you have two choices:

1) Pay for french courses out of your own pocket.

2) Bumble along with your current level of french, supplemented by reading and going to the library, and wait until you qualify to receive free french instruction or to receive a stipend.

I have opted for number two due to financial constraints. I've been here since the end of August and we really did hustle to apply for the carte de séjour. Even still, it takes time to accomplish things because you need certain pieces of paper before you can move on to the next step. It really is like a board game!

I am registered with Assedic (unemployment) but still need to follow up with ANPE (employment) today so I will discuss french lessons with them at my appointment. 

I have my 'visite medicale' on the 23rd, which is more than just a medical visit; this is when the carte de séjour is distributed (right now i have a receipt that is only valid for three months). It is also a welcome meeting and they do an interview to assess your level of french. 

I had not previously heard or read about the "contrat d'accueil et d'intégration" that you sign at your medical visit. Here is the brochure that I received along with the letter for my medical visit appointment :

http://www.anaem.fr/IMG/pdf/cai_publication/Dépliant%20C.A%20I%20verso.pdf

Here's the contract that's going to be signed at the visit:

http://www.anaem.fr/IMG/pdf/Contrat_2008.pdf

It seems quite funny that I am obligated to pay 275 Euros in taxes for the carte de sejour, but will receive french instruction that is valued *much more* than that!

This afternoon I am going to an association to start french lessons. I was supposed to contact them before, so I hope that I can start today. 

Correction: The association that i went to today is called trait d'union, but there are a ton of organizations with this name in france so the url I found was not right.

Good Days

Yesterday was a really good day. I got alot accomplished and i did it by myself. I had to go to Assedic (unemployment) by myself and i was scared/stressed. I yelled at hubby the day before because i wanted him to go with me and he couldn't. After the appointment was over, i called my husband and apologized because going alone gave me a big confidence boost - i realized that i could navigate french administration alone if necessary. When i told my husband he said "see, you're the only one who thinks you can't do it - my family thinks you have a good level of french and i know that you can do it you just need confidence in yourself."

Duh / D’oh / A ha !

Blogs are for connecting with other people. Yes, I really did just come to that conclusion. Perhaps it’s because I’ve never felt so disconnected in my life. Here I am in a foreign land – despite reading expat blogs, having an expat brother (in the Czech Republic since the mid-90s) and living with a French for over 9 years, I wasn’t prepared for how hard it would be to deal with the foreign-ness of it all.

I am so lonely sometimes – despite all of the time I spent alone in the US, I could insert myself into the culture when I needed to connect with others. I also had groups to which I belonged – even if they didn’t have a name : work colleague, friend, fellow shopper (?!?!)

I still have my family and friends but the rhythm has changed – I am that relative/friend who lives far away. I am the one they have to figure out when to call or how to call. I know how to call but I am still working on the when.

I’m working on finding my voice. I have a hard time separating who I am and what I want from what others want from me or want for themselves. I tend to operate from the perspective of what my husband or son wants or needs instead of what I want because it’s easier for me to see. I have been told by some people (friends and psychologists) that I am very self aware. The truth is that I am able to release the words from my mouth but I have difficulty accepting them within myself. I have given my father the advice of using a tape recorder when he talks so that he can write and I should take my own advice – though I am not talking to too many people right now.

I get so blocked when I speak French – it’s especially hard when my husband is around because our language has primarily been English. Yes sure we have done French weeks/days, etc. but when we were stressed and needed to accomplish things we have always spoken in English. Now it is awkward to speak French with and around him.

I'm here...

I've just been busy with getting settled in. Life is good; just overwhelming. 

Today's the day!

I used to be a writer and I used to be a dreamer - am I still?

Today at 6:50 CST my son and I will board a plane and leave the US. I am stunned.

My father had his gallbladder removed last night in an emergency operation. He is coming home this morning and we will have the visit that we were planning to start yesterday morning but couldn't because he wasn't feeling well. I'm glad that my last vision of him will not be from a hospital bed.

Oh, I accidentally packed one too many bags! I had to reconfigure our carryons because aer lingus has a 13 pound per carryon limit and somehow in the reshuffling I ended up packing too many checked bags. Fortunately, none of the bags were packed too tightly and i was able to fit everything into the 4 bag limit but I'd still like to keep the small duffel bag for other uses.

Head is hurting and feeling foggy. I have got to get my medications adjusted after i settle in to Nice. I think that both the thyroid and the antidepressant meds should be reviewed. My body is vibrating; not quite shaking but the energy beneath the surface is palpable. Nothing to be nervous about; just a major life change! :-) I know that it will be worth it! :-)

ok, i admit it, i'm excited

it's been so long since i've seen my husband - 3 months! I'm even tossing around the idea of having another child - even though one is overwhelming me already.

There are going to be so many new experiences - i'll be on sensory overload!
I'm very glad that I have a brother who has been through this before - moving overseas and not being fluent.

Remember that story "The grasshopper and the ant"? yeah, i'm the grasshopper when it comes to being prepared for speaking french.

Looking forward to...

• Being with my husband in 14 days
• Having a widow's walk to put plants on.
• Being near the sea
• Walking near the sea
• Living steps away from a market
• Having a home, sweet, home

feeling nothing

i've just sort of accepted this move - this major life change. i don't feel anything. I miss my husband, but its more of an in my head thing than in my heart. i know i will miss my family and friends (already missing them) but I chose to do this so what else can i do? I can't sit and cry about it i must move forward so there's nothing wrong with not feeling anything - right?

Shopping for a camera

Trying to deal with little things before I depart such as buying a new camera. At the moment I have my choice narrowed down to two cameras. The Canon Powershot A650IS or A720IS. I think that the 650 might take better pictures in the long run, but I think that the 720 is more accesible for me - i can buy it locally instead of online (no wait on delivery) and it weighs less.

I'm thinking i should post my photos on shutterfly and not flickr cause it's like high school there. I always feel like the nerdy kid who noone likes - of course that's because i am not "socializing" in the halls by posting on others' pics or actively trying to get people to comment.

Stuff picked up by movers, but contract not yet signed

Yeah, probably should be worried but I am not. Local movers moved to their warehouse in albuquerque. My wonderful friend T met them at my storage area - even though they were late and some of the staff were unprofessional. I have a sneaking suspicion that the company doing this "leg" of the voyage has never been involved in an international move.

This week I am going through the remaining "to dos" to figure out what I still need to accomplish. The big task tomorrow is mailing the livret de famille to hubby so that he can register my son in school.

Also need to do grocery shopping. I have been having an american foods love fest over the past few weeks and I really need to s l o o o o o w down with the eating, especially processed foods and soda. I know that it doesn't do me right and yet i continue to indulge. I must get off this train, so the plan is to buy food and cook like I plan to in France even though i am not at my own house in my own kitchen, because, let's face it I won't be in my own "house".

Visa in Hand!

Got the visa yesterday. so weird how you just hand them stuff and they tell you to come back in an hour and a half and zippity doo dah! Visa. However, there was some confusion concerning my son and his need for a visa or french passport. I asked the visa section and they said he doesn't need a visa but he needs a french passport because he has dual citizenship - he is french he MUST travel on a french passport. Um, ok. So the "non-visa" section of the consulate is closed to the public in the afternoon, but the nice lady at the reception desk looked into it for me. She said that to get a french passport they'd need my son's french birth certificate. I said, uh, I don't have a french birth certificate - and she said well you should have received one when you got the livret de famille. Ummmm, well, let me look thru my stuff (two 7 tabbed-folders and an envelope) and she said that she would ask someone in the passport section.

So, I tried to reach hubby using semaphore and smoke signals - well, actually calling my dad and having him use skype to reach my husband to ask him if he had the french birthcertificate - and if i could call him on his cell phone. Yes, the man who detests cell phones got a cell phone - it's the way to go in europe, especially if you want a deal on internet and other services. anyhoo...he did have the certificate - he took it to register cedric in school. Someone from the passport section came out and said that he doesn't need a passport or a visa - if i have any trouble, just show the livret de famille to indicate that he is the child of a french citizen and doesn't need one.

When I picked up my visa, they asked me if i got the passport and i told them that I was told by the general consul that he didn't need a passport. They said "BUT HE MUST HAVE A FRENCH PASSPORT TO TRAVEL." I said, i don't know, that is what they told me. Mind you that these two departments are on the same floor, just a short walk away from eachother and they gave me the complete opposite answer.

They said hold on, we will check, but we just had this situation and he must have a passport. They continued passing out visas to the others who were waiting. THis whole time they absolutely refused to turn on their microphones. The lady i originally spoke to thought that my confused face was due to the fact that i couldn't speak french. I seemed to be the only person who had a hard time hearing. Everyone else could hear their names and all i could hear was "Mmmuhmumum" I wonder if I'm going deaf?

In the end they checked and got the same answer that I did and the lady called me over and she now decided that she could speak french to me and proceeded to tell me the same thing that the other lady said in english with the addition of - BE SURE TO GET A FRENCH PASSPORT FOR HIM AS SOON AS YOU GET TO FRANCE.

Oui, madame.

:-)

nothing happening

so i've got this visa appointment on the 23rd and I really should be putting together my "dossier" but it's soooooo hot and humid and i have a hard time concentrating on stuff like that when my son is around. yeah, blame it on a 3 year old. nice.

is it me or does it seem like the movers require more paperwork than the visa? especially since i am the spouse of a frenchie.

Post with ice cream

English version of other post...

Howdy!

I'm here - As if I haven't just disappeared for what, a month and a half?!

Here's what's been going on...

1. I sent my son to Ohio with my friend Angel who helped me move (June 9th)
2. I left my house (June 12th)
3. I stayed with my friend Taura and family; not an apartment (THANKS Taura!)
4. I quit my job suddenly - I had promised my boss that I would stay until July 3rd, but I just couldn't do it. I was depressed and had stuff i needed to do. (June 27th)
5. I prepared my storage unit for the cargo shipment and I met movers who gave me quotes.
6. My husband found a job (and an apartment) in Nice; not Paris
7. I left Albuquerque and reunited with my son (July 3rd)

Now we're in Illinois with my dad and stepmom. Lots of things coming up...French consulate appointment in Chicago on July 23rd. According to their website, I can get the visa on the spot (as long as i have all of the documents).Our cargo shipment is going to arrive in about 10 weeks and like la framericaine, it's hard for me to sell things, but at least my husband knows how to sell.

We leave August 20th - i need to find a counter for my blog.

Post a la mode

***AVIS: Francais sans accent et sans dictionnaire. English post above or below depending on what happens****

Cou cou-
Je suis la. Comme si je n'ai pas disparu...un moi et demi?!
Qu'est que c'est passe?

1. J'ai envoye mon fils a Ohio avec mon amie Angel qui m'a aide avec demenager. (9 juin)
2. Je suis parti ma maison. (12 juin)
3. Je restais avec mon amie Taura et famille; pas un appartement. (Merci Taura)
4. J'ai quitte mon boulot soudainment - je m'ai promis a mon chef que je resterais a 3 juillet, mais ce n'etais pas possible au cause d'etre deprime. (27 juin)
5. J'ai prepare mon "storage unit" pour le voyage et j'ai recontre "les demenageurs."
6. Mon mari a trouve un boulot (et appartement) a Nice; pas Paris.
7. Je suis parti de Albuquerque et j'ai rencontre mon fils. (3 juillet)

Maintenant, nous sommes a Illinois avec mon pere et belle mere. Beaucoup de choses vient de passe... Rendez-vous au consulate (a Chicago) le 23 juillet et d'apres leur site, c'est possible d'obtenir le visa immediatement.

Notre cargo arriverais a 10 semaines et comme la framericaine, pour moi c'est difficile a vendre - mais, (au moins) mon mari savior comment vendre.

Nous partons le 20 aout - il faut que je trouve 'a countdown'.

18 days until move....to an apartment

Had a garage sale yesterday. Made $15. My friends put up the signs and I think that the signs weren't entirely clear about the location of the sale. So I am going to do another one next weekend with another friend - and / or I am going to post the items that have value on Craigslist.

I sort of hit a wall in terms of packing/sorting. I have found the boxes that I'm not ready for... GLASSWARE. I have fond memories of grandma's glassware, but do I really need all of it? No. How do I choose what to keep and what to let go of?

Wait...What did I say to my husband yesterday? That I would set those boxes in a special section of storage and go through them AFTER the move when I have more time/sanity to deal with it. ha!

I must be weird...

As I was driving my son home from daycare today, I realized that I am exceptionally blessed. How many people have the opportunity to make this kind of move? While I have been scattered and trying to deal with the stress of the move and absence of my husband, I've completely ignored the wonder of it all.

I am not one of those francophiles who've been dreaming about living in France. I do not have a vision of what life will be like in france - despite 9 years of marriage to a frenchman, studying intercultural communication, as well as reading lots of books and blogs over the years.

Does that make me unimaginitative? No. It's just that I have enough to focus on right now and the present, as function of time posted, is a beautiful place to live.

It wouldn't be very brilliant to imagine what life will be like in a place that I have visited for less than 20 days. My most recent visit was over 9 years ago. However, to ignore the wonder of this moment in my life is criminal.

I felt so wonderful and at ease during the first week of my husband's absence, but for the past couple of days I have let myself get sucked into illness and self-pity.

The confusion is just beginning

My thoughts are getting so jumbled. I can't figure out what to do first. My friend reminded me today that I was able to focus on "selling my car" and able to accomplish it by breaking the task down into pieces...and that i could do the same thing for everything else i need to do. However, I need to know if the closing can be moved to the end of June instead of May 29th. The buyer is checking with his landlord to see if he can extend his lease and I will know tomorrow.

Rockin the Mic

it's me. stealing from a comment that I posted on No Regrets' blog:

"I tend towards a fly by the seat of my pants and see what feels right kind of adventure. Hubby's been in france for one week and we've already sold one of our cars, sold the house, and OOOOPS set the closing date for may 29th. What the F^&K was i thinking?! Did i mention i have a toddler and no family around me? OK, let's face it i have to stop being shy and/or i have to start shelling out some bucks for movers. I told my boss that my departure is probably going to be in july, which is many months earlier than I initially told him - I said "late fall" when I'd really meant early fall. This time I said early July when I really meant mid to late June. But hubby still has to get a job and I still need a visa. Two pretty big details."

So Big Problem. Closing date is May 29th. Just me and a toddler.
Mr French has a job interview set on Tuesday. He has some updates about the visa since he visited the prefecture, but i thought that was where to go for the carte de sejour; not the visa - though we all know you have to have the visa so that you can get the carte and can be "correct".

So today the plan is to talk to the next door neighbor and see if her kids can be bribed, er, paid to move the boxes that hubby already packed. Oh yeah, i wanted to check into PODS to see if that's an alternative storage method. I'll be back........ah hah! as i thought! No international moves (except canada). Just as well since i already rented a storage space but i thought it would be nice to not have to move twice.

I don't want to do anything today... :-(
I'm tired of being sick and i am sick of being tired. Cliche but true. Gonna watch desperate housewives on dvd for a bit...

Why am i scared to write more?

I don't know why. It all goes back to 1995, when i showed my poetry to Prof. Gordon Grigsby and he told me that it wasn't very good. I admired him as a professor and I let his opinion kill something deep within me. This is not a revelation to me. I have accepted it as a fact that Dr. Grigsby killed my love for writing and yet i know i am still *good* at it, but only in a very technical sense. I can writing training manuals and grad school papers with the best of them but when it comes to personal writing that's public, the mirror of my soul has been shattered.

That's something that I haven't totally connected with until now - that blogging is hard for me because it's putting a piece of me out for "critique."

I was thinking about a blog called "my secret blog" or something like that...but of course:
http://mysecretblog.blogspot.com/
http://shhhmysecretblog.blogspot.com/
These are just 2 - and they're defunct...only 4 entries in one of them.

Moving to France: Mr. French leaves in 2.5 weeks

I've found some blogs of other americans and franco-americans in the process of moving to france. None so far with my family's composition. American Mama. French Papa. Franco-American Toddler. But I can still learn things from them and post about things that others aren't posting about. I'm particularly mystified by visas, cartes de sejour and other paperwork that seems pretty straightforward (difficult, but straightforward) for people who have "no intention" of staying in France and haven't been married to a frenchie for 9 years and who don't have a child who is essentially french. I know that a visa is FREE for me and my son, but I can't exactly fathom why my son would even need a visa. Mr. French will investigate while in France. I REALLY don't want to have to go to my "local" consulate in Los Angeles.

French Papa has made a decision which i don't like: he has decided to speak english to bilingual boy until his departure. Why? So that he can progress in his speech therapy. Never mind that he may very well regress when he arrives in france this summer. Well, I just have to do my best in getting his english up to speed so that when we meet again in the fall, he'll still be able to speak english.

It's really happening!

In less than a month, my husband goes to France to establish our new life. I'm having a hard time imagining what this experience will be like. I'm feeling sorta zen about the whole thing. I have accepted the fact that we are doing this. I don't feel giddy. I don't feel stressed. It just is...this is the phase of my life/our lives that we are in right now and I am going to appreciate every moment-savor the taste of life. That means not spending all of my time fantasizing or worrying about what will be.

There is so much in this world to learn and do and I have spent far too much of my life in fear and anxiety; worrying about what is and what will be...and I feel done with that. I know that right now my job is a means to an end. I get paid handsomely and I am learning that I don't need power to be happy. In fact, I am quite happy doing my own thing and not be in charge of other people - but that doesn't mean i have to hate it...it does mean that I can let go of self loathing and anxiety over "not being able to be perfect" - who wants to be perfect anyway?

As I've been reading blogs by expats in France, I have come to discover that I've become french in the 9 years of marriage to Mr. French. ...sexually transmitted? ;-)
What i mean by this is that the things that annoy some expats are some of the reasons that living in France appeals to me. For example - that it's not easy to get things done and that things are expensive. If something is cheap and easy, what value does it have in the long run and how much do I appreciate it a year or so later? As I sort through my things and decide what will go to france, what will be donated and what will be sold, I've come to realize that I've been hanging on to things that have very little meaning to me.

Example: "The road less travelled" : I bought this book in 1995/96 at a used bookstore. I have moved it from Ohio to Illinois, to Albuquerque, from the apartment to the house and I FINALLY sat down to read it last week. It is such a piece of crap I can't stand it and yet I kept forcing myself to continue in the hopes that I could glean something from it, but in the end I tossed it in a box for goodwill. I've already made three trips to goodwill this year and that's just the beginning.

Moving inexorably towards france

French husband has a telephone interview next week. I told my mother and father about it, which made them realize that this is really happening - well, my father didn't know that we were really considering the move until a couple of days ago because he has not had easy access to a phone or internet. He said something that made me reflect on my irrational behavior in regards to "stuff." His first response to my declaration that we would be moving to france was, "what about all of your stuff?" I'm saving stuff for someone else; not for me. I'm saving it for my grandma, my father, potentially for my children and grandchildren...but my grandma is dead. my father will pass away one day and my children and grandchildren don't need to be burdened with a whole house full of stuff. It's nice stuff, but i don't feel like it's mine. I feel like i have to keep it due to guilt, obligation, laziness...

Dad said, "well, it seems that you two move every couple of years so why don't you get a storage place so that you don't have to ship everything over there and then just move it back a few years later." However, if i don't care about it enough to take it with me to france then it's not worth keeping. And my stuff would be here in the us, rotting away, or drying out to be more precise...but it means that it would be even harder to deal with than if i just took care of it now.

Another thought is that we would probably do better to sell the house in early summer instead of late summer/early fall because we are so close to a school and people want to get their stuff together/settled in before the start of the school year. How does this impact our plans? Well, it means I had better "get a move on" ASAP - selling the car is top priority, but I don't want to deal with the hassle. I could trade it in for a lot less than i would get selling it myself...but then we'd be paying off something we no longer own. :-(

Livret de famille has arrived!

Now that we have the livret de famille, we've paved the way for dealing with french administration. There are less than 6 weeks until my husband flies to France - we bought his ticket last weekend and he leaves May 8th. We bought a round-trip ticket that returns on June 4th in case things don't work out, but that seems highly unlikely.

My best friend in Albuquerque asked me what my mother thinks of us moving to france and I said that I don't think it's really sunk in for her...then i realized that it really hasn't sunk in for me either!

Also, on the day i told my mom about husband's trip to france we thought there was about a 20% chance of him being staying. We thought - or at least I thought that he would go, make sure it's what he really wants, put out some feelers and then we'd come back in September and we'd start the process of setting up house at that time. Husband and baby would stay in France and I'd return to the US to sell the house and pack and move.

Now the reality is that, if things really start to move, I could be selling the house in august or september instead of starting the process at that time.

CV

This week my husband's been preparing his resume. He worked with this father, brother, and his brother's girlfriend to make it right. One of the places his resume is going is sagem - which is funny considering that he doesn't care for phones. We had planned to buy his ticket today, but didn't.

Perspective Shift

After I had a mini-breakdown at work, Husband and I have decided to "ramp up" the process of moving to France. My husband left a voicemail for the LA consulate about a week ago. Of course, we have received no response. Husband just sent an email to the person in charge of etat civil (at least according to the consulate's website)...so we'll see.

Our previous plan was to have the whole family travel to France this September/October so we've been saving up for the tickets and panicking over the $3000 price tag associated with this venture (that's just the tickets). Since it has been almost 10 years since husband was last in France, we came to the conclusion that it would be good for him to "scout" for jobs and to confirm that he really wants to go home.

It's weird how single tickets to Europe are a lot less expensive than the per ticket price of a group of three tickets...at least it seems that way when I am comparing one ticket in May to three tickets in October. I suppose it's because you can squeeze the singleton in the spaces left by different sized groups.

Anyway, husband thinks that it might be easier for husband to take care of some paperwork while he is in France instead of waiting around for the LA consulate! After reading various french administration horror stories i'm not so sure, but then again he is french...then again he's practically an etranger by now!

Update: Husband talked to his father and found out that there is a program to help French people repatriate, which gives them financial assistance/support. His dad also said that if that didn't work/wasn't an option, he could always get unemployment...which, as an American, seems very weird since he hasn't worked in France for more than 9 years.

Anyway, what this means is that my husband will have some sort of income "guarantee" until he finds a job, which makes it more feasible for him to stay in France at the "conclusion" of his visit than we had previously discussed-especially since he has a lot more lodging options as one person instead of a family of 3. So in one day we've moved from a 20% chance that he'll stay in France at the conclusion of his visit ("if i find a job i'll stay") to an 80+% that he will stay. Honestly, it's probably higher than that but it's just a big perspective shift! He said the only way he would consider not staying is if a bomb fell on France or if France started invading a third world country. Otherwise known as, not very darn likely.

Yet another update and i haven't even re-posted this! Husband just spoke to brother who just returned from a ski trip and didn't know that we were this serious about returning to france said that he could get husband some contract work doing management control/audit, which is what he was doing when he left france.

So what's the plan for me and my son...? Well, about a month and a half after husband's departure, we will take a vacation and this will be the "last chance" for us to decide if we are really going to do it. I like the idea of an escape clause...that if I come and i really can't stand it, we can go back. If I do like it then I will leave my son there (ack!). Husband will get him registered for school and I imagine that he will stay with his grandparents for much of the summer. Husband's sister is buying a place this fall and her apartment will be available in August. The idea is to take over her lease if possible. Husband will seewhat he thinks of the apartment and the location when he arrives and will look for another place if necessary.

This means that yours truly returns to the US, packs up the house, sells the house, ships household effects y cargo and, finally, flies to France to rejoin her family.

Bilingual Boy meets the Speech Therapist Tomorrow

My son has a speech and language delay. And it's not because he's bilingual! My dad and my brother both had speech therapy. My niece had speech therapy, although she's bilingual too...but the point is that it's not the end of the world and we don't need to stop speaking two languages to him so that he can learn English - why are people such idiotas!?

We have been getting parent training to help our child. Although it's one of those "common sense" trainings, it is really helping me and my husband communicate better with our son. I have seen the frustration reduce greatly for the entire family. It's called It Takes Two to Talk -here's the Hanen Program link. One of the things that the classes have helped me with is letting go of some of that bs, like my son has a speech delay because we are not the model bilingual parents. Or...my son wouldn't have a speech and language delay if I were a stay-at-home mom. Mr. French husband doesn't care for the activities and the small group communication of the training class. He thinks there must be some cultural difference there ;-)

Tomorrow we are meeting with our son's speech therapist for the first time. Yes, we started our parent training before he started his therapy.

Quality of Life

It's odd, last night after I wrote my post I was reading jchevais' blog and was thinking that I am looking towards France to mitigate the stresses in my life while she is looking back to Canada to reduce the stresses in hers. Then, voila, a comment from Mrs. C. :-)

For me the toughest thing about being in the US is the complete lack of support from government and family. Of course my parents support me - on the phone - but they are both well over a thousand miles away. As far as government support, well we're getting a check in May for $1200 (or $600 or $1500 or I can't really tell from my husband's overview of the obtuse document that we received) called a "stimulus payment" because, of course, in the US everything can be fixed with money. You just have to make enough of it and then you can do, get, buy, more, more, more. I feel like a hamster on a treadmill - I'm always running, but there really is no destination. Time to pay for that school loan, time to pay for day care, time to pay for healthcare. It took us a year and a half to pay for my son's birth, and that's with insurance. Never mind that I pay taxes, but for what ? War and economic growth...?

Of course, stress does depend on where you live and your personality. I was pretty stressed in Chicago - and that was before we had a kid. We lived in the suburbs and worked in the suburbs so we had all of the stresses of Chicago without the convenience/culture.

We have been talking about either Paris or Bordeaux. Bordeaux would most likely be the least stressful environment, but we would not have family around us.

Status of Livret de famille

We got our livret de famille from Chicago a little while ago- late December/early January. That was just the registry of our marriage and getting the livret. The next step was sending the livret and our son's birth certificate to Los Angeles for LA to do their part. They received the material January 17th and still no response! My husband just called them to find out the status. He had to leave a voicemail, but we should have news soon.

We have discussed flying to France as a family in September (this year) and making our final decision about moving at that time. However, it's been a very long time since my husband was last in France and I have been thinking that it might be better for him to make an exploratory trip alone. Yes, that means that I would have to take care of our son alone for 2 weeks, but I think it would give us more confidence in making the move. We have several good reasons for moving - better social security, schools, quality of life, and a less stressful environment. I am concerned that my husband has an idealized view of France based on his youth - in his 20s, single, and without a child. That was about nine years ago and the world has changed.