It's really happening!

In less than a month, my husband goes to France to establish our new life. I'm having a hard time imagining what this experience will be like. I'm feeling sorta zen about the whole thing. I have accepted the fact that we are doing this. I don't feel giddy. I don't feel stressed. It just is...this is the phase of my life/our lives that we are in right now and I am going to appreciate every moment-savor the taste of life. That means not spending all of my time fantasizing or worrying about what will be.

There is so much in this world to learn and do and I have spent far too much of my life in fear and anxiety; worrying about what is and what will be...and I feel done with that. I know that right now my job is a means to an end. I get paid handsomely and I am learning that I don't need power to be happy. In fact, I am quite happy doing my own thing and not be in charge of other people - but that doesn't mean i have to hate it...it does mean that I can let go of self loathing and anxiety over "not being able to be perfect" - who wants to be perfect anyway?

As I've been reading blogs by expats in France, I have come to discover that I've become french in the 9 years of marriage to Mr. French. ...sexually transmitted? ;-)
What i mean by this is that the things that annoy some expats are some of the reasons that living in France appeals to me. For example - that it's not easy to get things done and that things are expensive. If something is cheap and easy, what value does it have in the long run and how much do I appreciate it a year or so later? As I sort through my things and decide what will go to france, what will be donated and what will be sold, I've come to realize that I've been hanging on to things that have very little meaning to me.

Example: "The road less travelled" : I bought this book in 1995/96 at a used bookstore. I have moved it from Ohio to Illinois, to Albuquerque, from the apartment to the house and I FINALLY sat down to read it last week. It is such a piece of crap I can't stand it and yet I kept forcing myself to continue in the hopes that I could glean something from it, but in the end I tossed it in a box for goodwill. I've already made three trips to goodwill this year and that's just the beginning.